Women in Monotheistic Religions- assgnmnt for Intro to Religion

 This is an assignment that I had to do for my "Introduction to Religious Studies" class. I received a grade of 96%. Professor's comments are included at the end.


          In the history of monotheistic religions, we see that no matter how much freedom women are given, there always comes a trend toward restricting women to roles of caretakers of the home, and producers of male offspring. This seems to be a common trend that occurs in patriarchal societies no matter where they occur in the world, or what individual shape these monotheistic religions take. To further examine this idea, we look at the roles of women in the Abrahamic traditions up to 1000 C.E.

The first tradition that we examine is Judaism and the development of women’s roles in this faith. Throughout the history of the faith women have been treated as an afterthought in the Jewish tradition. Women in the Jewish tradition have been revered in their limited roles as wives and mothers. There are many examples in the Jewish literature of extraordinary women, fulfilling roles from heroines and intellectuals, to devoted wives and leaders. There are even two books of the Hebrew Scriptures which are named after the women whose lives are recorded in them. In opposition to this though is the containment of “profound suspicion of women and their sexuality” which may have been the source of writings that contained “restrictive rules and disparaging pronouncements” against them (pg. 275). Because men had traditionally been keepers and defenders of the faith, leading to a masculine perspective dominating the Jewish faith. In the majority of the tradition women have primarily only been mentioned in the aspect of where they come in contact with men- in marriage customs, sexual practices, and procreation. Other than these limited references to women, they are greatly overlooked as a subject in the texts of the Jewish faith.

Women are an ambiguous subject when mentioned in the Jewish texts, and there is much debate about what makes an idealized woman. While attempts have been made to define the ideal woman, there are also accounts of women who have helped in the development of the Jewish faith in many different ways. The Book of Judges, for example, contains the story of Deborah, who along with being a wife was also a great leader who was instrumental in a significant battle for the ancient Jewish people.

The Jewish faith places more importance on the woman in her natural role of wife and mother. A woman’s ability to produce offspring was her most important characteristic according to the Jewish tradition. It placed a great importance upon her fertility, and if a woman was found to be infertile it was grounds for divorce as the woman was seen to be punished by God.

While the role of the mother and wife in the Jewish tradition was of the highest importance, women were not restricted to being simple caretakers of the home. In fact, the traditional Jewish wife is expected to be “industrious in obtaining provisions for the home, strong and capable, and involved in buying and selling in the marketplace in addition to more generally recognized vocations for a wife, such as weaving, sewing, and providing food for the family” (pg. 276). In effect a woman was expected to be her husband’s equal in the fulfillment of her role as a wife.

While masculinity has been highly revered in the Jewish tradition from ancient times, femininity has not been given such an equal and lofty status. While a great deal of importance has been placed on the male child, the birth of a daughter is not mentioned in the Hebrew Scriptures, and is even “lamented” in the Talmud, one of the most important and authorative books of the Hebrew Canon. (pg. 276)

Other aspects of Judaism mirror this lowly position of females as well. In different parts of the Hebrew Canon, women are seen as property of men, who have very little rights of their own. In typical Jewish tradition of marriage, the husband is given control over his wife, who had up until then, been the possession of her father. The Talmud contains “suspicions and superstitions regarding females”, an example of this is that women are “prone to sorcery”. One is lead to believe that women are “dangerous”, and “holy and sanctified” in marriage, “impure” when they are not married. (pg 276)

Purity of the woman is also referred to in niddah, or the rules concerning menstruation. Like other religions, men are forbidden to touch the “blood of menstruation and childbirth”. Some of these prohibitions exist today in Orthodox Judaism. (pg 277)

The Talmud contains 613 “obligations” for men, “including the obligation to appear at temple and to study the Torah. These obligations give the male a closer position to God and man’s inclusion into the Hebrew tradition, while women are only given three obligations which are perfunctory, the “lighting of candles for the Sabbath celebration, breaking the Sabbath bread, and observing niddah”. (pg 277). Women are given so few “obligations” to the Jewish faith because they are expected to “fulfill her duties as wife” above all else. (pg. 277). Therefore women have been excluded and discouraged from more active participations in the Jewish faith.

While women may have been considered as mere property, “marriage is a pivotal event for the immediate family, as well as the entire community, as the family is the basic component of the Jewish social structure”. (pg 277) Marriage between man and woman is a “contractual arrangement” called the ketubah, which has profound religious as well as legal significance as well. Sexuality is seen as a “gift from God”, to only be enjoyed in marital union as God intended.

While women may have been seen as having few rights, her consent was necessary for marriage, and in cases of divorce where the husband broke some rule concerning the marriage. (pg. 277) Even in these cases though, the woman had to persuade her husband for the divorce, if she had good reasons such as his impotence, illness, or refusing sex. In some of these instances the rabbi, or the spiritual leader of the congregation, or the Jewish courts would become involved. If the woman was successful in obtaining the divorce, she would be paid a settlement that had been agreed upon in the marriage contract. In the case of divorce, men had an easier time of obtaining it, and the process was much easier if the man wanted it.

The second faith that we analyze, Christianity, originally saw an increased role of women that were later diminished.

In the beginning of the “Jesus movement” women were offered a much broader participation than what they had seen in the Greek and Roman society of the time. (pg. 343) The New Testament contained many references to women, who at this time, were relegated to being simple caretakers of the home. Various women are prominent figures in the stories of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, and His mother Mary as well are two of the most famous examples. Jesus also used a woman as a metaphor for God in one of his parables, and women played an important role in the resurrection of Jesus.

Women are also mentioned in the New Testament of the Bible as equal participants in the study of the teachings of Jesus when they had previously been excluded in the study of religion. Women are also mentioned as being in positions of leadership in this “newly emerging movement”, who were apostles “who were respected members of this early community”. (pg 343) 

While there have been positive images of women in Christianity, there is also a darker side as well. The New Testament has passages that say, in effect, that women should be subordinate to men. One example is First Corinthians 14:34 where the author “admonishes women to be silent in church and remain subordinate to their husbands”. (pg. 344)

Even though Christianity contains some negative perspectives of women, it is still a religion that is “expressly open to everyone, including women”. (pg 344). An example of this is Galatians 3:28, “there is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus”. While the same patriarchal hierarchy as Judaism and Islam(?) exists in the Christian faith, women are allowed to “pray and prophesy in the church”, undermining the view of First Corinthians were women were expected to remain silent. (pg. 344)

There is much confusion on the part of Biblical scholars concerning these inconsistencies concerning women in Christianity. One theory is that some of the writings concerning women were written by someone else under the name of someone else which was common practice of the time, asserting their words as the word of one of the more famous followers of Christ. Another theory is that men of later eras interpreted these writings to conform to the cultural practices of the time, and therefore this emerging faith could be more readily accepted by the majority of people living at the time. (pg. 344)

Whatever trends were made toward women’s liberation in the Christian faith came to an end in around the second century. Women were disparaged due to the church leaders attaching them to a negative view of sexuality. This began a misogynic trend that would last for several centuries. One of the first theologians, Tertullian, remarked that women were “the devil’s gateway” and blamed them for “the sin of humanity that necessitated the death of the savior” (pg 344). Because of this negative attitude toward women, celibacy became a higher virtue over marriage in the eye of the church leaders. Women were seen as a hindrance to the spiritual progression of men.

Around the fourth century, after the church had become an institution that was validated by the Roman Empire, women’s roles became just as limited as they were in other religions. Now women were relegated to being mere caretakers of the home, as proper wives to submit to the rule of her husband, and whose main purpose was to produce male heirs for her husband.

The third faith that we consider, the one of Islam, saw conditions for women that were more progressive than other faiths of the time.

When the Islamic faith first emerged in the seventh century, women enjoyed a loftier status than what was capable in other faiths at the time. The prophet Muhammad himself stated that “all people are equal, as equal as the teeth of a comb. There is no claim of merit of an Arab over a non-Arab, or of a white over a black person, or of a male over a female”. (pg. 410). There were many stories of women who enjoyed a great deal of “independence, education, and wealth” in Middle Eastern society before and around the time of Muhammad’s prophecy (pg. 411).

            Whatever Muhammad’s intent was for increasing the status of women in his new faith, the “patriarchal patterns” of the other monotheistic religions quickly reduced women’s roles to the same status they were limited to in other faiths (pg. 410). Where there had previously been a tradition of matrilineal families, of women remaining with her birth relatives, whose husband came to visit her with her tribe, now this trend soon

came to be replaced by a patriarchal structure. Like other monotheistic religions, women were now subordinate to the man, the woman was reduced to being a caretaker of the home, and producer of offspring.

            Yet women of the Muslim faith enjoyed a status unlike other women who lived in that era. Some of these rights were being able to negotiate the terms of marriage, and a woman could not be married without her own consent. The “bride price” or the amount of money that the groom customarily had to pay for his bride, was paid to the bride, rather than her father as had been the previous tradition. The bride was allowed to keep this money, even after a divorce. Women were allowed to control their own finances, and the husband had to support his wife “in accordance with his mean’s regardless of his wife’s own wealth” (pg. 411). Divorced women and widowers were allowed to remarry and women retained rights to their children. Women could also “own and inherit property”, although not as much as a man because “she was not expected to provide for a family” as he was (pg. 412). Women also had the same obligations to the faith as the men’s due to the teaching of the Qur’an. 

The same restrictive attitudes toward menstruation and childbirth that were found in the other monotheistic traditions were not found in Islam. There was no stigmatism toward sex in the marriage, and was even seen as the ideal over celibacy unlike the other monotheistic traditions. The prophet Muhammad himself, even taught that the tradition of women as “property” was wrong (pg. 412). Polygyny, or the marrying of many wives as was the custom of the time, also began to become curtailed in this new faith. Men were encouraged to limit themselves to only one wife, as “it is unlikely that wives can be treated equally” (pg. 412).

            Many developments that women had previously enjoyed “greatly diminished as Islam developed” (pg. 413). Despite the rights given them in the Qur’an, the customs and traditions of the localities dominated. “The father or other male head of household arranged the marriages of the daughters” and the property of the wife was taken over by the husband (pg. 412). Despite the teachings of the Qur’an, male offspring were preferred over females due to the son “being perceived as more able to add to the wealth of the family” (pg. 412). The practice of divorce, which was always more easy for the male to get than the woman, became more easy to obtain. All a husband had to do was “proclaim three times” to the wife that he had divorced her and this was as binding as law. The equalities in religious obligations were also diminished as well. Women were now discouraged from attending prayer at the mosque, and if they did they were forced to remain in the back.        

            The practice of polygyny that had been previously been discouraged now became more sanctioned, resulting in the development of the harem system that was seen as “abusive and restrictive” (pg. 413)

            Islam also began to adopt more restrictive practices toward women from other cultures that were assimilated into the faith. An example of this is the wearing of the burqa, or veil that covers an Islamic woman from head to toe. It is believed that this practice was taken from the Persian people who were later conquered by Muslims (pg. 413).

            Another significant part that played in the determination of women’s roles was the interpretation of the Qur’an was done primarily by men. Many restrictive customs towards women were initiated by the male dominated power structure of the time even though the justifications for these customs had no or very little grounds in the Qur’an (pg. 413).

            Women now had to submit to the same restrictive roles as were seen in the other monotheistic faiths. They were now only submissive caretakers of the home, to live solely for her husband and her children. If a woman could not produce male heirs then she could be divorced, or another woman could be married to serve this purpose (pg. 414).

            Women were also seen as ignorant, “unfit for high learning”, considered in many ways to be “inferior to men”, and control of them was now seen as “justified” (pg. 414).   

It is seen to be a predominant trend of patriarchal societies to limit the roles of women using faith as their justification. Many of these faiths reflect the attitudes found in the restrictive and misogynic codes of Hammurabi who lived some two thousand years before Christ. Perhaps it is a trait of males to want to subjugate women in the restrictive roles that they have been subjugated to throughout history, rather than allowing the freedoms and rights that they allow themselves. Perhaps this is the true nature of men.

Works Cited:

Ellwood, Robert S., McGraw, Barbara A. Many Peoples, Many Faiths Pearson Education, 2009

Professor's Comments:

"Detailed, good tone, examples supporting points. Bring Hammurabi in more clearly to tie in with these other faiths. Also, do keep an eye on the length - while I don't generally count against for longer essays, twice the expected essay length is more than needs to be done - you can say more with less, even capping it around 2000 words".

Intro to Religious Studies-"Achieving Harmony in Tao(),Cnfc(),+shinto(ism)"

This is my assignment, with professor's comments, for my "Introduction to Religious Studies" class. The assignment was to find out how each of the three Eastern religions, Taoism, Confucianism, and Shintoism hope to achieve "harmony" within their respective belief systems. I received a grade of 82%.

 We examine in the three Eastern religions of Taoism, Confucianism, and Shintoism, the means by which they hope to achieve harmony in, and with their respective worlds.

The first of these religions Daoism, also known as Taoism, comes from the word “Dao”, or “Tao”, which is most often translated as “the way” from the Asian languages.It is the ideal of unity in which all things are supposed to come together in harmony.

“Taoism as a religion is the practice of finding harmony in relation to one’s actions in the world and station in life. Believing in Taoism is the belief that “the universe is one, yet always moving and changing” (Ellwood p192).

In Taoism, “Ultimate reality” or what we may understand as the “God principle”, is “the great way down in which the universe moves from a hierarchal structure in which the universe is constructed” (pg. 192). All things are interconnected but still have go from the infinitely large down to the infinitesimal. In Taoism the universe has no beginning and no end. In regards to humans we can give ourselves over to sharing in the universe’s “evolution”. We are taught that we can become immortal by mastering the Dao and its power. One learns to do this by following the various teachings of sages. The most referenced texts in Daoism are the writings of Laozi, who wrote the Dao de Jing, or Tao te ching, and Zhuang who is known for the Zhuangzi. Although these texts have been edited throughout the centuries by various anonymous authors, they are still the most referenced and highest revered texts in Daoism. (1)

            Although there is no rigid definition of the Dao, or “the way”, and how the practitioner is expected to follow “the way”, there is some fundamental understanding of how the goal of Taoism is realized. 

In the practice of worship, the goal of the Taoist is to “live spontaneously and close to nature” on the basic level, in more advanced levels of worship, one is expected to “meditate and perform rites that draw one close to gods and immortals” (pg 192). The practioner of Daoism is encouraged in his faith by visiting its respective temples, living in monasteries, and seeking the guidance of the Daoist priesthood.

The Tao and how to know it, live it and construct a society that exemplifies it is the great theme of Chinese thought and the religious expressions closely related to it” (pg 173). ‘In asking how to get back on the track of the Dao, the Chinese believed there were three realms where Dao could be experienced: nature, human society, and one’s own inner being”. The question was, how are these to be lined up, with what priorities, and with what techniques for ascertaining the “message” of the Dao?” (pg 173)

“The answers fell into two categories: Confucian and Daoist. The basic difference was that Confucians thought the Dao, or Tian ( the will of heaven) as they often called it, was best found by humans within human tradition and society and so was explored through human relationships and rituals and by the use of human reason. The Daoists thought that reason and society perverted the Dao—that it was best found alone in the rapture of merging with infinite nature and the mystical and marvelous”. (Pg 173)

            In Daoism, one hopes to achieve immortality, and “the three main highways” to it were: 1) alchemy, 2) yoga, and 3) merit” (pg 193).

            Alchemy, for the Daoist, was the pursuit of overcoming death “through the manipulation of one’s Yin and Yang and the five elements” (pg. 193). It was hoped, through the development of elixirs that were “spiritually prepared”, that one could achieve immortality. (pg. 193)

            Yoga, to the Daoist, meant using breathing techniques, in combination with diet, and sexual practices, to produce inside oneself a “spiritual embryo”, that would allow oneself to grow a new body inside of the old one.

            The third and last “highway” to Daoist immortality was merit. Merit was the act of doing good deeds for others, showing compassion to others, and acts of charity. One had to be extremely careful not to do anything that would earn oneself a demerit, because if this occurred, all of one’s spiritual credit would be lost, and the practioner would have to begin their path anew. (pg. 194) 

Confucianism, named after the philosopher Confucius, a Latinized form of the Chinese K'ung-fu-tzu, or "Master K'ung." (2). He wrote and compiled the classical literature of five books, which were the foundation for his philosophy, and which are the most referenced texts in the practice of Confucianism to this day.

“The basic structures of society”, Confucius felt, “were adequate”. The needful thing was to convince people they must act in accordance with the roles society has given them. The father must act like a father; the son, like a son; the ruler must be a real ruler like those of old, wise and benevolent; the minister of state must be true civil servants, loyal and fearless and self giving” (pg 175).

“This change to becoming what one “is” (called rectification of names) must first of all be within oneself. A person must be motivated by virtue, or ren, a typically vague but eloquent term suggestive of humanity, love, high principle, and living together in harmony. It is the way of the “jun-zi”, the superior man, who as the Confucian ideal suggests, is a man at once a scholar, a selfless servant of society, and a gentleman steeped in courtesy and tradition; as an official and family head, he continually puts philosophy into practice” (pg 175).

“Confucius conceded that this noble ideal is enforced by no outside sanctions except the opinion of good men, for it was based on no belief in divine reward or punishment after death. Its sincere practice in this life might, as often as not, result in exile and hunger rather than honor from princes. Yet in the end it draws men by the sheer attractiveness of the good, and by the fact that it embodies Dao, and so to follow ren is to align oneself with the way things are”. (pg. 175)

It is believed by Confucius that “external influences, then, can aid in the inner development of ren. This leads to another very important Confucian term-li. It indicates rites, proper conduct, ceremonies, courtesy, doing things the right way. Despite a professed lack of concern about ghosts and gods, for Confucius the performance of rituals was extremely important”. (pg. 178)

“Li needs to be understood as Confucius understood it, not as cold or mere formalism but as a supremely humanizing act. Animals act out of the lust or violent emotion of the moment, but humankind can rise above this in the societies it creates, and Li exemplifies this potential Lie expresses as society that becomes a great dance and thus acts in harmony. In ritual, everyone acts out proper relationships and has a structured place. Ritual generates order in place of chaos and nurtures “rectification of names”. It can be hoped that if a person acts out, if only ritually, the proper conduct of his or her station in life often enough, in time she or he will interiorize the action, and the inner and outer will become one: the ritual father a true father, the ritual prince a true prince. Li, then is meant to stimulate ren, even as melodious music induces calmness and heroic poetry valor” (pg 178).

Confucius thought, “it is within society that humanity comes to its best, for here the mutual stimuli of ren and li can be operative. Here is the key point of difference with the Daoists, who contend that society, or at least its regulations and rituals and mandatory relations, obscure the Dao. For Confucius, it was precisely in these social expressions that the Tao became visible and “spoke” to mankind”. (pg 178)

“Society for Confucius was founded on the five relationships: 1) ruler and subject, 2) father and son, 3) husband and wife, 4) elder and younger brother, 5) friend and friend. In all of these, proper behavior, or li, was required to give what is simply biological or spontaneous the structure that makes it into human society—that makes it into human society—calm and enduring for the benefit of all” (pg. 178 Ellwood). To the follower of Confucius, one found harmony in the world through the perfection of performing, or acting out, the role of one’s station in life in society. 

              One attains satisfaction, or harmony, when one acts according to the “real nature of things that the virtueless devotee of passion and gain can never know and that finally makes such a person’s life hollow”. Confucius believed that man’s essential nature is good, only being polluted by bad influences, and will naturally turn towards good when “good examples and social conditions are present” (pg 175). It is up to the ruler of the people to make sure the conditions exist for the people to find their natural “goodness” or the Dao. Once these conditions exist, it is then up to the common person to fulfill what role they have in society, so that they can find harmony within that society.

              The third religion that we are trying to analyze is Shintoism. “Shinto” means “to the way of the Gods”, and is an ancient Japanese religion, starting at about 500 years before the birth of Christ, some say it may have begun earlier than that. It was originally "an amorphous mix of nature worship, fertility cults, divination techniques, hero worship, and shamanism." (3).

            “Unlike most other religions, Shinto has no real founder, no written scriptures, no body of religious law, and only a very loosely-organized priesthood” (3). Although “Shinto does not have as fully developed a theology as do most other religions, it does not have its own moral code. Shintoists generally follow the code of Confucianism” (3). According to Ellwood, Shintoism “is a broad path offering a pattern of rites, attitudes, and subtle experiences that harmonize humankind with the many faces of its spiritual environment in the context of an ancient culture” (pg. 216).

The four basic truths, or what is known as “affirmations” that are inherent in the practice of shinotism are: “1) of tradition, 2) of life in this world, 3) of purity, and 4) of festival” (pg 216).

Even though every Shinto shrine is unique in its own individual set of traditions, with some ancient and some more modern, these traditions nevertheless serve the purpose of connecting the past to the present.

The affirmation of life in this world is very similar to the Shinto affirmation of tradition. Shintoism is “the religion of clans and their communal spirit, of joyous festivals and bountiful harvests”, affirming the “good things of this world and natural relationships” (pg 216).

Shintoism places great importance on purity and the avoidance of pollution, even going so far as to perform funerals away from its sacred places. In trying to avoid impurity, Shintoism tries to affirm the “persistence and superiority of life and joy”. (pg. 217)

In its fourth affirmation, the one of festival, it is in the attempt to stir the Kami, or the deity of the shrine, to life by beating the drums during a Shinto festival, or Matsuri. It is during these festivals that the “dynamism of the divine side of reality is manifested” (pg 217). The Kami is the individual god to which a shrine is devoted to, and by rituals and worship, the follower of Shintoism hopes to invoke its benevolence upon them. There are many Kami within Shintoism, each deity is regarded as local, and each Kami are worshipped differently, according to the location of the shrine.

It is the goal of these religions that the more we align within them, to their rituals and practices, to their observances and duties, that we become mirrors of their ideals. We are putting to rest, or trying to extinguish the fire of passion within us, so that we enjoythe world and become harmoniously one with it. We rest in the knowledge that the worldis us, and we are the world. 

Works Cited:

Ellwood, Robert S., McGraw, Barbara A. Many Peoples, Many Faiths Pearson

Education, 2009

(1) http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/taoism/#Important

                                              

(2) http://www.religionfacts.com/a-z-religion-index/confucianism.htm

(3) http://www.religioustolerance.org/shinto.htm

The essay is very informative about these religions, but needs to be organized using a thesis to explain the harmony each seeks. Also, more of the the body of the essay needs to be in your own words, using quotes as needed to support your points. Much of the essay consisted of what appear to be lengthy quotes - especially the section on Confucianism. The section on Shinto: cite the passage for when Shinto was "founded;" the idea that it dates to 500 BCE is suspect. For citations in general - either use footnotes or cite in the (author, page) format. This includes websites, although without the page number: (Taoism) would refer to the Stanford site.

Assignment for "Mythology and Modern Life", a case study- 03/06/11

I drifted though my life like an ordinary parasite without concern. I was fed, I was rested, my needs were being met, and I was comfortable. Women who had in the past been a difficult species to understand, had become for a time that I was now in the midst of enjoying, a cheap and easy thing to take advantage of. As long as my comfort was entertained, I lived in my dream world hoarding as much of myself to myself as I could; only tossing out messages casually in the mistaken belief that I was being understood as a genius. But I knew everyone saw the true reality as I tried to ignore or deflect this fact from my admitting consciousness. I went on as I always had, not because I thought I was right, but that I could not become anything other than what I was used to being. Then my mother died and I lost what I thought was the best job I would ever have.

I thought I was a big shot, with my “Allied Electric” embroidered sweatshirt, t-shirts, my work phone, showing up in my work truck with the logo on it. To appearances I looked like I was somebody rather than the gofer, the errand boy, the bum I really was. I was unhappy but I thought at least I had the image of being someone. My only ambition was to get paid to drive around Central New York all day, listening to audio books and podcasts on my mp3 player, or singing obliviously along with the radio. I didn’t care about anything other than going as many miles away from Syracuse that I could get away with, with exploring parts of Central New York when I should already be back at the shop being useful, of obviously taking too long to go out on a delivery, and then coming  back. I fought a vicious psychic battle with that company not to insist on curtailing my attempts at vacation. I had always had the call to adventure in my veins, it was in my blood, and it was my character, even if I only had the faintest perception of this idea in my conscious mind.

My cell phone rang one Monday morning at work and I just happened to be talking with my boss in the shop. My phone usually never rang; my family and social circle are very small, consisting only of my mother, my grandmother as family, and my girlfriend Sue. Sometimes Sue would call me just to say “hello”, knowing that I had a driving job, and was probably on the road and able to her craving for baby talk. I tried to discourage her from this because over time I felt it become aggravating and a distraction. After not answering my phone for a while she had taken the hint and stopped trying to waste both of our energies on what was just a pointless pursuit of communication. She still tried every once in a while though.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see who it was, and if it was Sue, I would just hit “Do Not Accept” on the phone to stop the Doctor Who ringtone from blaring.

It was my grandmother’s phone number. I answered it because it was unusual for her to call me, especially if she thought I was at work.
            “Joe, I just got a call from the hospital. You’re mother is there again”. I could hear the terror laced in my grandmother’s voice. I told her that I would come and get her, that it was probably nothing, and not to worry. I hung up with her and I told my boss, who of course let me go.

She had previously been hospitalized due to her asthma that she had seemed to suddenly develop over the past few years. When we went to see her the first time she was hospitalized, she was exhausted but still able to talk, and my grandmother and I got over our shocks quickly enough. Now two years later when we arrived at the hospital and saw my mother, with her tongue hanging out, tubes going down her throat, hooked up to machines, we knew she was gone. You could just tell.

My grandmother and I decided to donate her organs and tissues to science, so that they may help someone else, and four people benefited from this decision. The rest of her remains were sent to the funeral home and we had her cremated. Now the person I knew as my mother was now a box of ashes, my family now only consisted of myself and my grandmother.

I was not ready for the trial of caring for my mother’s death, not this soon in my life, not before I had enjoyed more years of life with her. Now I was disposing of all her belongings, of all the things she had accumulated in this lifetime, what now had no worth to anyone. I was not ready for this supreme ordeal but my fate gave me no choice but to deal with the situation.

            When my mother was still in the hospital, only alive due to the machines that kept her life functions going, I went in to pick up my check for the week, what I thought was only going to be for a few dollars, but since I was in the vicinity I might as well swing by and get it. I was surprised when I opened the check. They had paid me for the whole week even though I had only really worked for what were only a couple of hours that Monday morning. I was so grateful. I told them the first opportunity that I got.

Over the next several weeks, with the help of my mother’s friends, we packed up my mother’s belongings, after we sold what we could, then donating everything else to charity, giving away the evidence of my mother’s life so that it could become someone else’s.

I was resurrected back into my normal, working life, and I went on about my life. It is a sad fact of how easily one is able to go back to one’s routines after someone we have known our whole life dies, or goes away. It was as if she had never existed at all. Someday I knew this is what other people will go through with me. This is what happens to us all.

After a few months I sank back into not caring about the job, goofing around on my phone when I should have been working, sorting this mess of a warehouse into some kind of useful organization. I was supposed to be busy putting all the equipment and left over parts from old construction sites into order so that it could be easily found and used for new construction projects that my company would get hired for. Instead I used to take off and go spend an hour or so at the Onondaga Lake Parkway, down the road, if I wasn’t hiding somewhere in my company’s basement, kicking back, and reading a book I had smuggled into the place that day.

I was comfortable with the way things were, I had no real motivation or ambition to change. I was going to school off and on, take a class here, then take two years off, take two classes here, take a year off there, etc. I knew eventually I would get my Bachelor’s and a better paying job, what does it matter if it doesn’t happen for twenty years? But now there was something awake inside me with the realization that I could die young like my mother, that probably within the next few years my grandmother would be gone too, and I would finally be really alone, no flesh and blood to rely on for comfort, no one who I could really pour my heart out to. I had to become my own man, to get an education for a better job, to learn how to follow my dream of becoming an author because I had nothing else in this world that could motivate me to live. I hate to say it but I think my mother’s death was the first threshold I needed to cross, that I had been nothing but a greedy parasite my entire life, and that only I could determine whether I too would end up like my mother, dead after only fifty two years of just going through the motions, and nothing to show for it.

            Then I thought, “If this was the best job I would ever have then I had better make myself the best employee that I could”. I figured that most of this job is manual labor, then I had better start lifting weights to strengthen my body. Unfortunately I had never spoken this thought aloud at work, and there was no way they could discern this for themselves.

It was the first job I ever had where they put $187 a month into what is called a health savings account, it was the first time I had ever been employed with someone who let you know that you were not just a piece of meat to them. With the money they had already started putting in, I thought that this money would best be spent by me by buying bodybuilding supplements, protein powders, vitamins, etc.

I started hitting the weights harder than I had ever tried to lift weights in my life. I was going to get huge. This was going to be as series of physical tests that I would persist with until I was noticeably larger and stronger than I had ever been. I would become more masculine appearing, like the statues of Greek gods, as close to the golden standard of “maleness” that I could become, and within the near future be able to reap the rewards.

One cold Wednesday morning, I walked into work for my boss to tell me that he was “letting me go” because he had caught me “hiding” as he handed over the last check I would ever see from that place. I crumbled inside myself. It wasn’t the greatest job in the world but I thought at least I would see this one through for another few years at least, that I would leave it on my terms, and not the way I had concluded all my other jobs, in termination or abandoning a dead end job in the middle of the work day. Now, once again, I was suddenly unemployed, soon to be in financial free fall with my bills, rushing out to once again take the first crappy job that took the risk of hiring me so I could regain the sense of peace that comes with a steady paycheck coming in every week.

Then I remembered my mother’s words after I had gotten fired from a job delivering auto parts a few years earlier.

“Joe, you have to fight for your job. Let them know how much you want it. You can’t just give up”. Back then I did just because I was too embarrassed. This time I would have to get over myself and go in there and clarify how this situation came about.

            Somehow my old allies had become my new enemies, rejecting me from their presence; all for what I thought was a misunderstanding of misunderstandings. I wasn’t a bad guy, I didn’t deserve to be let go, I was just in over my head. I couldn’t make sense of what even they considered expensive garbage. I had to clarify myself to them, so I spent the weekend writing a letter, pouring my heart and soul out on four pages of typing paper. I would make three copies, one for my boss, one for Jeff and Barb so the family who owned the business would know the true me, and not the one that my boss had probably given them the impression I was.

I walked in at 8 o’clock on a Monday morning with the intent of delivering the letters to their intended recipients, wanting to get it over with emotionally and psychologically, but also because I needed definite closure with them, to know that what I had built up in my head as the last job that I would ever have for the rest of my life was truly over, and now I would have to find my illusion somewhere else. I thought, “Perhaps if they had read my words and saw my sincerity in them, that they would welcome me back with open arms, and possibly give me a raise too”. I walked in; handed my letters over to the people I had in mind, walked out, and expected them to be calling me within minutes. But they didn’t. A week went by with no response. I gave myself to then to finally accept that it was over, that I had screwed up a good thing.

I went around filling out some applications, sending out a few resumes, although not very enthusiastically when the unemployment, or free money from the government, started to come in on a regular basis. I thought, “Maybe I do need a paid vacation from work for six months”. Six months has now turned into over a year.

Here I was at 35 years of age, broke and living at home with my grandmother again, 18 years later I was in the same spot I was at 18 years old. I had come full circle and the road back seemed to lead to a dead end. I knew that without an education I would be out there looking for another $8/hr dead end, manual labor job, and only getting closer to my feared reality of becoming one of those fifty or sixty year old men who have amounted to nothing more than some dirty, low paying job, because they had never gotten an education or learned some skill or trade. I knew it was only a matter of time that I would have to wear my shame on my face every day like they did, not for their station in life, but for never striving for something when they could. I became desperate to get my way out of this impending future. I committed to my dream of being an author which I had up until now had perpetually put on, with all my other fairy tales and dream worlds.

I related my dream to my grandmother and my girlfriend, of wanting to be known as a professional artist, and they were very supporting. Instead of eventually getting around to writing a book, as I had always been intending, I committed myself to my pursuit, telling myself I will write a book, and it will happen in the next couple of years. I was no longer pursuing my own distractions, of drugs and girls. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere either going to a community college so I looked for a SUNY college that I could pursue my dream but do it online, without having the commute.

I discovered Empire State College and its flexibility in designing your own SUNY degree. Now I could create my own degree, for what I wanted to learn, and not some packaged deal that imposed what you felt was learning useless information along with the courses you were really interested in just to satisfy some kind of outdated requirement designed to make us “well-rounded people”. Doesn’t the college realize that we just go through motions when we are taught something we don’t want to learn, then instantly forget that information as soon as the course is over, and we know we no longer need it? Or if they do know it, like we students secretly suspect, then we just get taught their unintended lesson, that “everyone is a hypocrite, just go through the motions”. That is why I had changed my degree so many times when I was at Onondaga Community College, I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and some of the courses I had to take for some degrees were just beyond my limits, like Calculus and Physics. I would never have come to the circumstances of finding Empire State College if it hadn’t been for losing my job and awakening in myself the desire to return to college wholeheartedly.

Now I didn’t have to pay for, and spend precious moments of my life stressed out over something that I didn’t think and feel was necessary to me anymore. Now I could pick and choose courses, not only what I wanted to know, but what I felt I needed to know, what I saw were the reoccurring themes of my life, and what would take me in those directions that I wanted to go in my life. Now I could wholeheartedly pursue my dreams, of both getting and education, of being an author, of really being someone who could be proud of themselves rather than just going through the motions of life.

I wonder what the real reason is for this school, ESC, to use the term “mentor” instead of “advisor” like they do in every other college. Perhaps it is a place for those like me who have gone through the motions of life for so long, with so much dread and desperation, to find and become reawakened to life, and pursue our goals through higher education. When I met with my mentor I realized now I was finally on the right path in my life, that I had found something that had been missing all my life, and now I was completely invested in seeing this thing through unlike all the other things I had failed to accomplish, all the things that I had started, and never completed in my wasted life.

I selected my courses immediately as I could after going through the orientation and registration process. I wanted to take courses that would be the most relevant to the craft of writing. “Mythology and Modern Life” jumped out at me when I searched through the course catalog. I quickly selected it after reading “How to Read Literature like a Professor” by Thomas C. Foster. In it, he mentions how important the understanding of mythology is to writing, and how many authors used it to write their novels.

I realized after I started taking this class that I all my life I was weaving a personal mythology in my head, like we all do, like what our history and culture is always doing. I was awakened to the reoccurring cycles and themes of my life by the lessons I read in the books of this course.

The elixir, I believe, is my education, the things I need to tell my story, and I will only see the fruitful rewards of it only after much diligence and perseverance. It is only after I have earned my way to my degree, after much study and reading. Only then can I finally begin to approach the innermost caverns of my imagination, and tell my stories as I want them to be told, how they should be told. The only thing I can do while I wait for this conclusion of my degree, is to organize the notes I already have, into various categories to look at when I have an outline, having a structure for the stories I want to tell, then I attach the ideas and prose to their respective places in the outline fleshing them out, expanding or cutting as needed, stretching the fabric of the tent once the poles are put together. But it is only after I have thoroughly learned the lessons of masters who have gone before me and prevailed.

In effect I see myself as a kind of shaman, or rather that is the standard with which I want to identify with. The artist, like the shaman, exists to redefine our cultural ideas, to restate them, to analyze them, to create new ones, telling a story while trying to teach something. Our entertainment industry is our new religion, our new mythology. Our culture defines our ideals, and our culture is based on what the entertainment industry comes up with. It is always starving for new voices with new ideas but the ideas do not change, they are just restated, much like the myths and our religions. I would like to devote my life to this purpose and hopefully I can, through my education and ambitions, to keep other people from squandering as much of their lives as I did.

Not every hero’s journey goes the same as anyone else’s, but it is one we still have to make. The world does not turn for us, but takes us along with it in it’s endless orbits. And we like the earth, have our own gravities, pulling and being pulled into the people in our lives that come and go, and the circumstances that happen in our life, circumstances that we cannot avoid or escape. It is how we meet one another, how we enrich the lives and impress one another, how we evolve and adapt with one another that is the most important ideal in our lives. Or so I think.

Works Cited:

McLellan, Hilary. “Hero's Journey Basics”. 2003.

Homage to my old office. 03/03/11

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This is a picture taken from my last place of employment. The chair in the foreground was where I used to sit in contemplation of all this crap they had, and that I, elected high lackey, was supposed to put this chaos into some kind of order. I used to sit and wonder about the purposes and meanings of life instead. Doesn't the universe, doesn't Nature, doesn't God self-organize? I still remember being so lonely, so cold down there, while I had to be careful to listen for someone coming down the stairs, (my boss almost caught me once), reading my book, "Buddhism without Beliefs", that I had hidden above the ventilation ducts above this chair. I would make a copious amount of notes in my little notepad that I always carry with me, for all the regurgitations of my mind that I hope to put into some kind of narrative in the future when I know what to do with these arcane writings. Over my head were the offices of the people I should have cared about, their opinions, their thoughts, their feelings. I didn't because I can't, I can't make myself care about something if I don't truly feel it. Perhaps that is why I may never be successful in life. Life is smelling other people's farts and saying, with as much sincerity as possible, "that smells delicious". Much of the stuff in the basement is leftover parts from construction sites that the company used to allow the foremen to order the whole warehouse of the supplier, and several months later, when the job was completed, most of it had to be recollected and brought back to "the shop", although this time without the proper boxes, mixed with other stuff, dirty, filthy, broken, etc. Then the foremen would get other jobs, want the same stuff but it was all mixed together, and the worthless lackey couldn't make sense of this shit that would eventually get thrown out anyway. I know I used to help the process a lot by throwing whole boxes of rusty, dented, mixed together crap, as well as perfectly good shit in the dumpster when no one was looking. "You already have too much shit", I would tell myself. These people piss more money away on their lunches in a week than the cost of this shit going into the dumpster. They were good to me, or rather I could have been rewarded a lot better than I had been at other jobs. But I don't fucking care. I work for myself getting you to think I do work for you. My problem in life is that I do not see myself as some low level lackey, only capable of doing manual labor for the whims of discombobulated people. Yet that is all I am capable of until I get a degree, write my novel, or blow my fucking brains out after going on a shooting spree. I am a desperate man and I will drag you all down with me. Recently, back in October or November, the kings of this place saw fit to burn their own place down like Nero saw fit to do in Rome. "Ashes in a trashcan", the secretary told me when I reinitiated contact with her via the Facebook. Smokers. Chain smokers. Puff Puff Puff Puff Puff. Right in your face. I wonder what it is like to burn down your family's business as well as your own apartment? I fucking laugh. I am an asshole. I am giving up on trying to play by society's rules. I just have to sophisticate the techniques to my game is all. I'll be looking for work again soon. Wish me luck. I need it.