It seems that a lot of our problems stem from gender differences and our lack of understanding that there are other personality types that are programmed to do what they are programmed by nature to do. We are born male or female, with a certain biological imprint that will affect the personality that we later take on. Some of us are drawn to participate in the world, while others are happier the further they retreat from it. We can learn to develop our biological traits in our personality to enjoy the life we can imagine, or we learn to internalize and repress what our nurturers cannot bear in our nature. In a family, some children would enjoy a different life over others due to what the parents believe are good or bad traits. Nature isn’t always understood by nurturers. I tend to think we learn to shape our temperaments to what allows us to remain comfortable with our parents. For some this is easier than for others. But our temperaments are inevitably shaped and influenced by the temperaments of our parents.
Males and females each have their own gender culture, from what our media idealizes to what we can realistically achieve. We find ourselves somewhere along this spectrum, as much as our environment can tolerate. We learn to master our gender culture while trying to learn enough of the gender culture of the other sex as much as it allows us to be successful with them. Each gender has a view of the other, men see women as sex objects, while women see men as success objects (Carver and Scheier, 2008, p. 116). Men seek certain characteristics, while women seek characteristics of their own choosing. Somehow, we as people are supposed to learn these things to be successful people in life, and in our relationships. For most, I think it’s a crap shoot that we succeed at all. Most people I think, only become successful by mastering our gender culture as much as it allows us to interact with the culture of the opposite gender.
The young male syndrome is an example of what I speak. Carver and Scheier (2008) state “Competition for mating opportunities leads to a lot of male posturing. It has also been blamed for many problem aspects of young men’s behavior” (p. 119). It appears that the age when boys come into their reproductive peak, the point at which they are most desperate to succeed with the opposite sex, is the point they become the most dangerous to themselves. Perhaps an understanding of the various gender cultures, and the knowledge of various personalities, would make the development of their own personality to find like personalities more important than being the loudest and boldest chimpanzee on the block. Both women and men can benefit from this knowledge, and the new culture that this new knowledge would create.
Our nature is a like a flower, while our parents are the nurturers. They are the shape, the depth, and length of the pot. The watering and fertilizing come from culture, our environment, the media, our education level, and our peers.
Works Cited:
Carver, C.S., &; Scheier. M (2008) Perspectives on Personality. 6th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson/Allyn and Bacon.
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