Joseph Melanson
Creative Nonfiction II
Prof. Cahan
12 July 2012
Two
Short Shorts
The following two paragraphs are my
attempt at doing two short shorts
I take another hit from the pipe,
and my body gets white hot almost immediately. The car glides through the early morning streets like a boat
across water, stopped in traffic I relight my pipe, wondering what the other drivers
think of my blatant disregard for social responsibility. The smoke erupts from inside of
me like the breath of an angry but impotent god, burning and smearing the sky, the plumes
of the desolate volcano. I feel the twists and torqued muscles surrounding their bones,
my right bicep seeming to hang from the bone, one of many of my physical reminders of
my life of misadventure. After several hours of ingesting smoke and idly roaming old
familiar territory, I’m barely conscious behind the wheel, memory and instinct have
automatically taken over to preserve this empty shell. I am both confused and serenely
unconcerned with my reality, and I will devote the rest of the morning to driving around
aimlessly. I have passed the last few years like this in a self-induced haze, through
more than two years of unemployment, thousands upon thousands of dollars in student
loans, somehow accruing good grades towards my Bachelors, somehow maintaining my
relationship with my girlfriend, somehow still keeping disaster out of my life.
My car has a silver 2006 Toyota
Camry. The official name of the paint job that the car came with is called “Lunar Mist”. It came with some
scratches, some large and some small. It has gained a few more scars since the day I
picked it up 08/08/08. I was as proud as a father of a new born. When searching out for a
new car to buy that summer, I would frequently pass this silver car, a 2006 model with
only a few scratches, and only 20,000 miles on the odometer. I’d wonder at this car, as
probably everyone else did too, why it wasn’t being sold, why it didn’t have the dealer’s
“Toyota Recertified” sticker upon it’s windshield as the majority of other used vehicles
in the lot displayed. I spotted another car that seemed as pristine as this one, a hybrid
too, and made my way inside to initiate the process of hopefully making it mine. During the
conversation with the dealer I happened to inquire about the silver car, the seeming ugly
duckling of the dealership, this blemish upon the lot.
Joseph, both of these short pieces are viable additions to your course writing portfolio. Both capture reader interest from start to finish with a strong and authentic narrative voice; varied and rhythmic sentences (though more time with the final editing stage of the writing process would be helpful, and the second short seems it needs a more definite conclusion); creative sensory imagery; and truth-telling topic choices -- good work. Grade for Essay 2 is B. 84%.
Joseph, both of these short pieces are viable additions to your course writing portfolio. Both capture reader interest from start to finish with a strong and authentic narrative voice; varied and rhythmic sentences (though more time with the final editing stage of the writing process would be helpful, and the second short seems it needs a more definite conclusion); creative sensory imagery; and truth-telling topic choices -- good work. Grade for Essay 2 is B. 84%.
Joseph, both of these short pieces are viable additions to your course writing portfolio. Both capture reader interest from start to finish with a strong and authentic narrative voice; varied and rhythmic sentences (though more time with the final editing stage of the writing process would be helpful, and the second short seems it needs a more definite conclusion); creative sensory imagery; and truth-telling topic choices -- good work. Grade for Essay 2 is B.
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